break

sometimes i need to distract myself from the issue with weight, beauty, etc. because it doesn't always help me. maybe i need to become more confident in my interests and absorb myself with things other than myself. maybe then i won't have such an unhealthy relationship with my body.

maybe; it's just a thought.

i wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented on my posts for the last week. i've just been busy so i've been visiting sites sporadically, commenting whenever i could. i really love it when you girls post, it's like i'm learning about amazing people but at the same time i see aspects of myself. i miss a lot of things, and i wish i could tell everyone out there how much i appreciate your kindness and dedication to staying strong, supporting each other. we all go through tough times, but we're holding on, aren't we?

i think i will post more music videos, pictures, poetry and song lyrics from now on. i'm actually really into music and literature and art, but i've never really thought of extending my interests unto here.

i think i'm rambling. i miss you guys. have i said that before? probably. it doesn't matter, please speak to me soon, all of you!

millions of hugs, kisses, laughter and funny faces,

coco

mohr, mohr, mohr

feels impossible.

fat forever? is this my damned fate?

trash talk

sometimes i can say the most wicked things. i can murder with my tongue, with my mind's hands. i wish i didn't have that in me.

dear me,

please don't set yourself up for failure. you promised yourself, you begged yourself, pleaded- that you would lose at least three pounds this week. you promised not to eat past 7, not to eat junk food or have any chocolate in school. you promised to focus on becoming skinny and losing that jiggly horrendous belly of yours. don't you want to be pretty? don't you want to be loved? don't you want to feel like you belong with all of your beautiful skinny friends?

please, don't forget. please. please. i believe in you.

why can't i just stick to it?

why why why?!!

i know i'll regret it later. i know i HAVE to resist. but i just cave in. i throw all sense of responsibility/ good intentions out the window and i stuff myself, stuff myself until i'm emptier than ever.

hmm. this really needs to stop. i must fix this. otherwise before you know it i'll be so fat there will really be no other solution than to disappear from the face of this earth.

*removed my phone number for privacy reasons, but if anyone wants to text me, please please do tell me! :) *


xoxo, coco

last day in bouville

life, passionate beautiful life passed
now i sit in the ashes, the ashes of my own
what once soared the heavens
lies trampled in the dust
the dust of my own
i am grey
now i am grey
but the phoenix rises
it rises once more

lately...

i've been feeling uninspired. tired, empty, fat. mostly fat.
stopped dieting and thinking, just eating until i felt sick...

i should start again. what do i do when everything seems futile?

have you ever

been so lost?