so

the love interest is confusing me. A is the type that you're never sure if he has a special place for you in his heart or if you're just another girl, because he's just a nice, outgoing boy overall. A is super eccentric and funny and maddeningly cute even when he doesn't try to be, while i have to think about how my hair or face looks everytime i see him. A told me today that he "loves" me. but that's just his way of saying goodbye apparently. i don't give out "i love you"s that easily, just like that. it makes it cheap.

i guess my dilemma here is that i can't trust him. i don't know if this attraction is mutual or if it's a one-sided thing. on top of that, A knows i have a crush on him (long story; i'm not usually that forward) and if it's getting to his head i'd rather just not see his face ever again. i have some pride left in me.

and to top it all off, i'm seeing him in approximately 1 1/2 days.

i wonder if i'm just digging my own grave here.