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today my mom screamed at me like the fucking psychotic depressed maniac bitch she is, and for ten minutes i sat there in the car trying to understand why things had to come like this. why she has to embarrass herself by storming into public places, screaming and bitching like a crazed patient, and why she has to ruin a perfect day into a day where thoughts of suicide and slow death dominates my shattered mind.

where is the mother i knew and loved? where is she?

i see myself walking in a field, a warm, sunny, grassy field. the sun is high up in the clouds but not bright enough to be white, just warm warm yellow and orange. there is a slight breeze, which carries wafts of honeysuckle, jasmine and yellow roses. i am alone, so alone, by myself. wearing a light white gown made of soft clean cotton, and there is no one there to see me. my hair falls around my shoulders and i keep walking, walking, until i reach the hill under the maple tree. i lay down under the tree and close my eyes, as i go to sleep for eternity.