tough it out

so lately i've been eating chips and random tidbits of death at school...

which has resulted in monstrosity in my thighs, belly and arms

shame....


i've been trying to keep up with "healthy" dieting- which is essentially a less extreme diet that lasts longer to have permanent effects

and it hasn't been working, namely because i haven't been following it!!

so i apologize for being bad and i must get in shape starting now!

i think i have a plan- to cut out on eating altogether at school, and just have an early dinner when i get home.

which means i'll be having breakfast and dinner, and my chances of binging at home will be less because i'll have just eaten an actual dinner.

sounds good? i'm not sure if it'll work because i do crave a lot of shit at school, but it's worth a try- i need to get that flat stomach!

wish me luck, lovelies

xoxo,coco

self-destructive

whenever you yell at me and give me that look it makes me shrink inside

i want to wither up, shrivel up and vanish

you criticize and criticize and it drives me quite mad

and makes me more than want to do terrible things
...to myself

this is for you, because you mean so much to me

watch me disappear, until you can't see me anymore.

watch me.

much ado about nothing

i keep back my tears
to save them for when time calls
but lately i feel the need
to let them fall when they want

thank you

everyone for your support...
really i can't express how much it means to have people understand and go through the same stuff... i realize i need to be strong and do well in my studies but not compromise on myself...

well just for you guys...

i fasted the whole day today!

well, i had two starbucks tall soy lattes.

but other than that, nothing

back to 115! :)

xoxo, coco

near apathy

i really want to get into university of chicago.
very much so

grades are consuming me, school, SAT scores, etc

i simply feel too overwhelmed to care about my body anymore
sometimes i feel like leaving my body to die
and just focusing on "priorities"

i know i'll regret it later, but for now i can't think about too many things at once.


life is depressing right now.