just took a 5 minute ice cold shower
and ate a few uncooked dried kidney beans.
i hope this makes me sick enough to make me stop wanting to eat at night.
i'm sorry for those who are probably disgusted/scared of me right now- i don't mind, i feel the same way.
but can't you see i'm left with very few options? starving only goes so far before i collapse and am sent to the hospital, where i will most likely be force-fed. bulimia, which i am told by a very wise person, does not make you skinny and leads to heart failure.
so this seems like the right dose of medicine- minimal eating and a bit of sickness to knock some sense into my food-enchanted brain.
by the way, raw beans taste terrible. i'm feeling dizzy already. going to spend the night listening to beautiful music and lying upside down on my bed. yummy.