Tuesday, May 18, 2010

disaster, minus the beautiful

today was horrendous. absolutely terrible! it was rainy and cold today, which meant i couldn't go running today (i hate it i hate it i hate it) and i binged like a depressed pregnant woman. so i purged. well, not completely, but i did anyways...which wasn't even effective i think because it wasn't even that much... and i still feel huge. TERRIBLE! why do i do this to myself, i haven't the slightest idea. i think i need to respect my body more and not let it become hideous and blubbery. maybe change my outlook on life: do i want to be human or whale?

...so i think i need something to keep me organized and focused. and so i think i shall make myself a plan. for swimsuit season, of course.


-breakfast: do not finish breakfast...usually oatmeal or black-bean shake(which tastes terrible by the way, but if it's healthy i'll eat it, damn it)

*throw away/give away snacks that mom packs to eat...to make sure i don't eat it i must do this as SOON as i get to school

-lunch: starve, fat bitch.

*after school: have fruit/yogurt or oatmeal...NOTHING ELSE NOTHING ELSE!!

dinner: try to eat as LITTLE as possible...eat what mom makes but if it seems too fattening (which often is the case) have ONE bowl of cereal


breakfast: keep it light with either a drink or oatmeal/cereal/piece of fruit

lunch: fruit! eat fruit!...or starve like a good girl

dinner: whatever mom makes (unless it's fattening...then go for something light)




  1. oh i'm sorry you had an awful day.
    i really do hope that it gets better today.
    that plan sounds good, kinda what i'm trying to stick too.

    you can do it!

  2. "do i want to be a human or a whale?" bless you dearie, how wonderfully and bluntly put.

    we will be beautiful xo