today was horrendous. absolutely terrible! it was rainy and cold today, which meant i couldn't go running today (i hate it i hate it i hate it) and i binged like a depressed pregnant woman. so i purged. well, not completely, but i did anyways...which wasn't even effective i think because it wasn't even that much... and i still feel huge. TERRIBLE! why do i do this to myself, i haven't the slightest idea. i think i need to respect my body more and not let it become hideous and blubbery. maybe change my outlook on life: do i want to be human or whale?
...so i think i need something to keep me organized and focused. and so i think i shall make myself a plan. for swimsuit season, of course.
-breakfast: do not finish breakfast...usually oatmeal or black-bean shake(which tastes terrible by the way, but if it's healthy i'll eat it, damn it)
*throw away/give away snacks that mom packs to eat...to make sure i don't eat it i must do this as SOON as i get to school
-lunch: starve, fat bitch.
*after school: have fruit/yogurt or oatmeal...NOTHING ELSE NOTHING ELSE!!
dinner: try to eat as LITTLE as possible...eat what mom makes but if it seems too fattening (which often is the case) have ONE bowl of cereal
breakfast: keep it light with either a drink or oatmeal/cereal/piece of fruit
lunch: fruit! eat fruit!...or starve like a good girl
dinner: whatever mom makes (unless it's fattening...then go for something light)