utter, utter fail.
can you believe that i actually talked myself (yes, i actually did talk to myself) into eating late at night? i told myself,"what's the use. you're not getting prettier and no one likes you anyway" and i ate. i just ate even though i felt a horrible sinking feeling. and afterwards i sat down and laughed at myself, and took a shower. in the shower, as the hot water rolled off my fat, lumpy body i felt a sickening disgust forming within me. i heard a voice hiss at me, dripping with hatred. "you fat, fat, pathetic cow," it said. i could not help myself- i was beyond tears and i wanted to die. growing desperate i plunged my fingers down my throat and purged, my disgust growing bigger as more of the shit came out. it was so disgusting, so very very sick and pathetic. i hate myself and i don't know what will ever become of this fat, pathetic girl.
you are not fat and pathetic. i know that you won't believe me, but i believe me when i say so maybe someday you will too.
ReplyDeleteits horrible. its a pain. two conflicting sides. its a war, isn't it? going on inside, and no one else can see that. thats what makes it worse sometimes. screaming and no one else hearing.
i love you, always.
Don't let it get you down, it happens. Think of all the days where you have stayed in complete control and believed in yourself. For every bad day there is x number of good days and I kind of just think of it as paying your dues. You've had a bad one, now enjoy the good ones which hopefully follow =)
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