Sunday, October 10, 2010

this is not a romance

i'm in love with S. so very much. i know it's foolish and he has a gorgeous college girlfriend in New York but i like him. so much. when he put his arm around me i stuttered and blushed; when he smiled at me last week my heart stopped beating. i'm not in love though, because it won't work out. my hands get clammy and my mind goes blank; when he laughs and tells me to slow down, i'm always rushing, it's okay to relax...i can't resist him.

he sent me this song. we talk mostly about music and politics. i talk a lot to fill the space for fear he'll find me boring. i want to erase him from my heart but i can't stop thinking of eating pancakes with him at 1 am, smoking weed with him on the grass, and holding his hand while we walked through the crowds.

it's just wishful thinking. not a romance.


  1. Oh honey. :( I get you. I hate loving someone who doesnt love me back. Cupid is kinda stupid don't you think? Ugh.

    At least you speak about something, me... Well i get all insecure and don't speak, cause i'm scared i'll say something stupid and scare him away. Completly opposites uh?

  2. That all sounds so lovely. I think it's okay for it to just be a crush or whatever, so long as you don;t find yourself falling for him and getting hurt, my dear.

    For now, enjoy it :)

    Perdita, xo

  3. that sounds kind of funny, lovely and cute.
    I love the way you describe your feelings, but try to demonstrate him that you can be as good as her ny girlfriend and make it become a romance, it can be nice...